Choosing which diamond to give the island queen was very difficult. I knew that she would only go to homecoming if I gave her an expensive enough diamond, so I had to search the world for the right one. This is the story of how I sought out the largest diamond in the world.


I heard that the largest diamond in the world was in Prussia, so I had to get on a plane and fly over there for a weekend. When I arrived, I found an old woman named Ethel tried to sell me this giant diamond. She requested $25 trillion and claimed it was a family heirloom. Humpf! When I brought it back to the US, I realized that it was made out of plastic. I had to sue Ethel to get the money back. This put me behind schedule, because Island Queen was expecting her diamond around that time, and was upset that I wasn't prompt with its delivery. Its actually Ethel's fault that world peace was delayed. There she is with the fake diamond...

So I was forced to continue my search. I saw the Hope Diamond in a Museum in Washington, DC, but after talking with the museum director we decided that the diamond wasn't nearly large enough for the island queen. Plus a lot of the people who had previously owned it had died (just to add a little sinister aspect to the story.) 

I researched everywhere, and the diamond in Washington seemed to be the largest I could find! There was only one other option; to go to a mine and find the world's largest diamond by myself. After visiting 34 countries, I finally went to Guatemala and found the PERFECT one in an underground mine. One of the miners tried to grab it from me, but I hid it in a plastic bag shopping bag after that and disguised it as my lunch. 

On the trip back it got all dirty, and I had to hire a large team to polish it 24 hours a day for 6 and half days. Time was running out, and of course the diamond had to look presentable before it was given to Island Queen. Finally, on a certain day in 2010 at a certain french bakery in a certain place on a certain continent, the diamond was given to Island Queen. Of course, I had to have special security forces follow me into the restaurant. Thus began world peace... Thats the story in short. I had to keep certain details secret of course, and if you're wondering, I can't post a picture of the diamond. Its too glorified to be photographed.